At the Big Church Day Out 2012

I had always fancied going to a music festival but it was one of those things that I thought I would never have the chance to do. However last May I got my chance and my sister and I went to the Big Church Day Out in Susses.

Neither of us drive of course because of our sight so we travelled to Sussex by train on the Friday afternoon. Unfortunately there was a delay and we missed the last bus to the campsite but we were not the only ones so we piled into taxis and away we went.

I'm not a big fan of camping so we had hired a tent rather then struggle to carry one on the train and I was worried about how we would manage to put it up. When we arrived we checked in and got our wristbands for the weekend. I was so relieved all the hired tents were in the best spot on the campsite right next to the toilets and more importantly the bacon sandwich van!!! The air beds were inflated ready for us it really took the stress out of camping having it all set up for us.

The Camp Site

There were 3 stages of music. The Tea Tent where oh yes we just had to sample a lovely cream tea while enjoying listening to the more relaxed style of music. We particularly enjoyed the Watoto Children's choir and Phillipa Hanna. There was the UCB stage which was a lot more cutting edge music. We did pass there a few times but it was not really our thing. The main stage was the biggest and the best for me. I was really looking forward to seeing the Newsboys, Chris Tomlin and Matt Redman and I was not disappointed. It was also good to hear bands I had not heard before like Rend Collective who I now really like. The worship was really energetic and just fantastic.

The Main Stage

As well as the music there was lots to do. We had a look in the Marketplace tent and at the Big Fete. We had a go on the Ferris Wheel which was good as you got a birds eye view over the whole site. There was so much to see it was impossible to do everything. 

 View from the Big Wheel

I had wondered what the food would be like particularly as my sister is a vegetarian but it was great. They have an area they call their Food Avenue with lots of different caterers from fish and chips, pizza, Mexican and pies in fact tried but we just did not get the chance to try everything!!! As it was also the Queens Jubilee weekend the Food Avenue was strung with bunting and they had Jubilee themed colouring in bits on the tables for the children. A brass band also entertained us at lunchtime which really added to the fun.

I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive about going somewhere like this with out any sighted assistance. I truly need not have worried we had an amazing weekend. Although there were just the two of us there was always someone to talk to even if it was in the queue for a coffee or on one of the long tables having something to eat. All the volunteers were so helpful so there was no stress for me at all one the odd occasion we needed help there was always someone there to ask. I think because everyone was there for the same reason, to have fellowship, worship and have a good time the atmosphere was so welcoming.

My sister has trouble with her hips and is not able to stand for long periods of time. So we were able to go up to the raised disabled viewing platform where she could sit. This was also great for me as I got as good a view of the main stage.

 On the Viewing Platform

To say the weather could have been better would be a bit of an understatement. On the Saturday evening it rained well quite a lot actually. But it did not detract from our enjoyment. In fact it was just amazing. 10,000 people singing and dancing in the pouring rain. The stage lights picking out the rain as it fell in what looked like a shower of gold. When the music ended on the Saturday with everyone at the main stage we all sang Amazing Grace it was so moving it's hard to put into words. The Holy Spirit was definitely present in that soggy field no one minded about the weather at all. At the end of the music on the Sunday night they set fire to a huge cross on the hillside above where the festival was taking place.

So are we going back this year. We certainly are and two of my friends from Church are coming along too. If like me you have always wondered what it would be like to go to a music festival or indeed a Christian festival then I really would recommend the Big Church Day Out as there is something for everyone.

Sisterly Love

Now I am not saying that I never liked my sister I just never felt I had much in common or a connection with her.  

When we were teenagers she was always the "good" one.  She always seemed to have lots of friends where I was a misfit.  She became a Christian and was Christened and Confirmed when she was 14.  At the time I had just started sixth form college and was still struggling with much emotional baggage from secondary school.  I was far from ready to accept Jesus into my like and I kind of always felt that my sister looked down on me.  

I had always thought I would be a career woman and she would get married and have lots of babies.  Well our lives have kind of gone in different directions.  I am now a mum with 2 boys.  I am a parent governor and teach Sunday school.  My sister is married too but with no plans to start a family.  She is a Licensed Conveyancer, an international Archer and about to begin training to become a Church of England vicar.  

Since I have been saved I feel our relationship has gotten so much closer.   Our shared faith has given us something in common that we have never had before.  

I feel so blessed that I am able to talk to my sister about questions I have about faith and religious issues.  The longest relationship we have in our lives is with our siblings and I am so pleased that I have gotten closer to my sister.  

We shared a brilliant weekend away just the two of us at the Big Church Day Out last year.  I will write more about that next time.  

Torch Trust / Insight Radio

I discovered Torch Trust while searching the web for a bible in a format I could read.  Large print books are usually very expensive to buy and some are not as large as you would like.  I had bought what said it was a large print study bible from a local Christian bookshop but gave it away in the end as is it was anything but large!!!

Anyway Torch Trust is an organisation that supports blind and partially sighted Christians in many ways.  They have a lending library of Christian books and resources in Braille, giant print and audio.  They have a production facility in Malawi and do other mission work in Africa.  There are so many different projects there are involved in too many to list.  However they also have fellowship groups that meet all over the country.  It was this aspect that I was most interested in and found the closest group was a good hour away by train.  I did go and visit this group once and was made very welcome but it really was a bit of a mission to travel that far.  

So I contacted Torch Trust and said I was interested in finding out more and maybe setting up a fellowship group where I live.  I don't believe in coincidence I think everything that happens is part of His plan and it so happened that there were a couple of people from another Church in my area who were also interested in setting up a group.  These people ran a lunch club for VI people but were interested in something with a more Christian basis.  

Torch helped us get in touch with each other and we met a few times to discuss what we could do and the Dover Torch Fellowship group was launched in March 2012.  We are still fairly small but steadily growing.  I feel I am really lucky that I go to a Church that is really supportive but not everyone is so lucky and attending a busy Church can be a pretty daunting and sometimes intimidating experience made worse if you have a sight problem.  

I was fortunate to have to opportunity to visit Torch House in Leicestershire and see for myself the work that they do there.  Their Braille book production room is very impressive and they have their own studios for recording audio books.  The main reason for my visit was to do an interview for their radio programme which is aired through the RNIB's Insight Radio and also on Premier Radio.  I had sent them a copy for the Borderlands of the Blind poem I had written and in the interview I talked about this and about my journey to become a Christian.  Like all interviews there was a lot more we said then could be fitted into the few minutes to be aired and I know there is more that I would like to have said but here it is you can Listen to my interview here.

If you are interested in the work that Torch Trust does you can find out more about them through their web site at torchtrust.org

Borderlands

One of the Facebook groups I belong to is for VI women from all over the world. We share a lot of common experiences as well as a laugh and a lot of fun. Although we have a whole spectrum of different eye conditions that affect us in different ways many of these ladies are in a similar position to me in that we are not properly blind but we have a severe enough sight loss that we can't drive or do many other things that fully sighted people take for granted. 

We talked about being in this middle ground not blind but not sighted. One of the ladies, Beth Omansky, has written a book about this called "Borderlands of Blindness" where she explores in depth many aspects of how people live in this no man's land between the blind and the sighted words. 

Inspired by this idea I wrote a poem about my own experience of life in this borderland. I am no poet and the style is maybe a bit cheesy but I wanted to try and show how I feel about how my sight affects my everyday life and how actually I could be a lot worse off and thanks to having God to lean on I get on with my life. 

A good friend with similar sight to me said that he considers himself to live in the borderland of the sighted.  We had a good laugh about how there are not so many good rhymes with "sighted" (or now I come to think about it maybe there are and I will have to have a go at writing a poem maybe "On the shore of the sighted" who knows!!!) but I do agree with him that I feel I relate more to the sighted world then to the blind world.  

I don't mean this to sound harsh but there can be a similar situation between blind and partially sighted people as there is with big D or little d people in the deaf community.  I have been a member of a group for blind mums where I was the most sighted of the group and just did not feel like I fitted in as most of their talk was about guide dogs and difficulties that I just can't relate to.  That's not their fault it is just the way it is.  That's why I describe this borderland where you don't quite fit into one or other category.  

OK well here goes here is my poem.  

Borderlands of the Blind

I am not blind but I'm not fully sighted,
I find it harder when the room is not lighted.
I can read when the typeface is clear,
But sometimes have to hold the book near.
It is hard to explain to people what they would find,
If they lived in the Borderlands of the Blind.

I don't use a cane or a guide or a dog,
My world does not look like a haze or a fog.
A tenth of normal they say I can see,
But that's just a number meaningless to me.
I just can't explain the world that I find,
Where I live in the Borderlands of the Blind.

I can't see well enough to drive,
But with God's help I will survive.
It might take me longer when I have to walk,
But when I need help I am able to talk.
Missed the bus today but I do not mind,
It's part of life in the Borderlands of the blind.

Finding a friend can be hard when I'm in a crowd,
And everyone around me is talking so loud.
I don't mean to be rude but I don't know your name,
So many people I know look to me just the same.
Just say who you are, it would be so kind,
To the friend in the Borderlands of the Blind

I am raising my children the best way I can,
Look after my house, take care of my man.
The washing, the ironing, the cleaning the cooking,
I missed a spot even though I was looking.
Things may not be perfect but they do not mind,
They know I live in the Borderlands of the Blind.

There are days when my life seems so tough,
Makes me wonder why God made things so rough.
But then I think of all the good things in my life,
When some in this world are surrounded by strife.
Compared to many my life's not such a bind,
Living in the Borderlands of the Blind.

My prayer is that others will come to understand,
That there are people like me all over this land.
Whose eyes don't work the same way as the others,
They are fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers.
But we are still people, We work and we play,
Just sometimes have to do things a different way.
God made me this way to help others to find,
Life is still worth living in the Borderlands of the Blind.

Social Networking

I have always been into technology from a young age playing on my ZX Spectrum and now I love using my Smartphone / laptop to keep in touch with the virtual world.  

At university I enjoyed an Email based Star Trek role play group.  I even got to meet a lot of the members in person as two of the group (one from Australia and one from the UK got married and I went to the wedding)  When the kids were little my husband and I used to have date nights in Second Life which is a simulated world where you can walk around go to parties well it's kind of limitless really.  Unfortunately I can't access Second Life now as it's too difficult to see.  

I love Facebook I am a self confessed Facebook addict and am just starting to get the hang of Twitter.  

Being in a regular social situation can be really difficult for me.  If it's noisy, dark or an unfamiliar place it's hard to find my way around and to have a conversation as I can't see people's mouths moving.  Also finding who you want to talk to in a busy group or with people who you don't know well is difficult.  If I meet a whole group of new people at one time it takes me a long time to work out who everyone is.  I don't like keep asking "Who are you?" when I don't know someone's name.  I think because I don't use a cane or a guide dog unless someone knows me well they don't necessarily realise how bad my sight is.  I don't mind this as it's my choice that this is the case but it makes social situations difficult sometimes.  I have lost count of the number of times I have had a conversation in the street with someone and not had a clue who they were.  

I don't have this problem on Facebook as I can see the name of the person I am talking to and it's not so immediate as a conversation on the street.  

The nature of sight problems are that they mainly affect elderly people so those of us who have been affected since birth are relatively few and far between.  With Facebook we are able to connect in a way not possible in the "real world" and I am a member of several groups for blind and partially sighted people from all over the world.  

I also run a group for families whose children have had Childhood Cataracts like me and my son.  Many of the families have never had any experience of children with sight problems and as it's a pretty rare condition you are unlikely to meet up easily with other people in the same boat.  So through Facebook and Email we are able to share stories and experiences and give each other support.  

I have also found it great to be able to share my faith through the Internet.  I love listening to UCB radio and can interact with the presenters through Facebook and Twitter.  I have found so many inspiring fellow Christians too from all around the world and also my Church has a Facebook page.  I use a bible App for my mobile and I can easily share the verse of the day or other favourite passages easily. I have also shared my testimony / baptism through the recording of it which I posted on YouTube which can be found at My Baptism

There are bad things about using social media. I have had my share of problems and know other people who have had some pretty horrible things said about them.  It's hard to know what to do and how to handle this kind of situation.  I have had several experiences where I have really had to pray and ask God for advice on how to handle the situation.  Sometimes you have to just let it go as the person who made the comment is not worried about what they have said so the only person that it is affecting is you.  Hurtful comments can eat away at you so letting it go is what you need to do for your own benefit.   In some circumstances it's better to not interact with a person who is persistently causing upset.  I have blocked a couple of people on Facebook but only as a last resort.  As well as being a tool for much good social media can cause a lot of pain too.  

On balance though the benefits completely outweigh the bad stuff for me.

A New Job Part 2

It really is a great environment to work in as all my colleagues are all Christians and there can not be many jobs out there where the boss says if it's quiet feel free to get your bible out and have a read.  We also have our TV channel on in the office and as I don't have Sky TV at home it is the first time I had really got to watch Christian based TV.  

Over the first few weeks in my new job I was learning how to use the computer system.  Unfortunately for me the software used to input donations over the phone is not compatible with Windows accessibility settings so I was not able to increase the size very much.  I am lucky that I have a nice large screen to use and by sitting close up to the screen I can read it fine for short periods of time.  I also had my first experience of praying with people over the phone.  It was quite difficult at first knowing what to say and I feel it was because I was over thinking it rather then allowing the Lord to help me but more on that in another post. 

The start of my second month in the job was my first Praise a Thon.  During this week our phone lines are open from 8am to 1am the next day as opposed to our usual 10am to 4pm.  We have lots of extra staff in the office and also there is lots of extra work available for us.  I put my name down to do a few extra hours and was really looking forward to the challenge.  I felt that I had now got the hang of the computer system and was ready to go.  

Well they say pride comes before a fall.  One evening when I went into work the bosses daughter called me aside and said that I had made a few mistakes the night before, nothing that could not be easily fixed but she said I needed to be aware of it and more careful.  I felt so bad I felt I had really let the team down and I felt that this stupid mistake would not have happened if I had been able to see properly and had not missed what was a really simple mistake. 

The next day after taking my son to school I came home and I just cried and cried.  I felt wretched and did not know whether I could go back to work that night.  I prayed about it and eventually realised that it really was a very small mistake and that I should not let it stop me from going back.  

I did go back that night and everything was fine.  No one said anything about what had happened and I realised that it was in the past and as long as I had learned from my mistake no one would say any more. 

On reflecting on this experience over a year later it's clear to me that I had had such a powerful experience at Church before I started the job that I knew this job was part of God's plan for my life and that I would grow and learn a lot from doing the job and from my work colleagues.  I feel that the Enemy played on my doubts in myself and in my abilities because of my disability.  Luckily for me I did go back as I would have missed out on so much if I had given up.  

A new Job

If you had told me 5 years ago that I would be working for a Christian media company I would have not believed it.  I really enjoy being a stay at home mum but I did miss being in an "adult" environment.  

I studied Law at university and worked in a Solicitors office as a Paralegal / Secretary.  I worked full time for nearly 5 years before going it alone and working self employed on a more flexible basis.  The part of my job I liked best was where I would attend Court when a Barrister was representing a client as a solicitors representative.  I would take the notes, explain what was going on to the client, look after witnesses that kind of thing.  It was sometimes difficult as I don't drive and used to travel all over Kent and into London but it was very interesting.  I worked mainly on cases involving children in care but also some criminal / matrimonial cases too.  I also used to do some office work for the last firm I worked for when they needed someone for holiday or sick cover. 

However this kind of work is not really compatible with a young family so I gave it up just before William was born.  

I did do a bit of work after that and for a while worked one day a week in an office but when Andrew came along I had all the stress of him going through surgery etc work was the furthest thing from my mind.  

A very good friend of mine told me that at the place she worked they were looking for someone to do one day a week from 10am to 4pm.  She said it was a hard position to fill as most people wanted more hours.  Well this suited me well.  William was at full time school and Andrew was at nursery from 9am to 4:30pm on the day they were offering so it worked out perfectly.  

I was so nervous when I went for the interview.  It's hard to explain but it is terrifying going into a new environment when you don't see well.  I remember in my first job I spent the whole day with my legs crossed as I was too nervous to ask where the toilet was.  I am confident in using a computer but have to sit close to the screen to see it clearly as my close up vision is not too bad but anything more then a few inches away starts to get more and more difficult.  

Well I did get the job this was at the end of September 2011.  

I was due to start on the Monday morning.  At Church on the Sunday before I went up for prayer as this was a big step for me starting work after a long break.  It was amazing I was really overcome with emotion and just cried and cried.  Not because I was sad but because I just felt so full with the Holy Spirit.  This was the first time I had experienced this being so full of the spirit that you feel you could burst with it.  It was a much more intense experience then what I had on the bench on the seafront.  I just knew that this job was where I needed to be and I could not wait to get started. 

First steps

One of the things I found really amazing on my road to becoming a Christian is that I had always thought that you had to know it all, know the Bible inside and out and be an expert on all things religious before you could be a member of a Church properly.  This to my delight I find is not true at all.  What is most important is a child like thirst for knowledge and understanding and an openness to experience what God has in store for you.  

I was so happy after my Baptism I felt I was now really part of a community.  I really felt I had put the bad experiences of my past behind me and was really looking forward to my future.  

Just a few short weeks later I was sorely tested.  I had my first ever ear infection.  It was an extremely painful experience (definitely worse then natural childbirth) until my ear drum burst but that was not the end of the saga. The infection spread to the nerves in one side of my face.  Drinking was a bit of a challenge as only half my moth worked and even now, 2 years later, I still have a bit more weakness in the affected eye (probably as that is my weaker eye due to a bad post operative infection I had as a child).

It was during this period when I was feeling a bit sorry for myself that I really began to appreciate the power of prayer.  To know that people in my Church and particularly the other members of the House group I attended fortnightly were praying for my recovery really gave me encouragement. 

I always felt that the early part of the year can be a bit depressing after the excitement of Christmas and then the dark evenings and damp and dreary weather but this season, like my medical problems, soon came to an end.  

As the days got warmer one of the things I really liked doing was going for a walk along the seafront.  With Dover castle and the famous white cliffs above and the sea spread out in front it really is lovely on a nice sunny day.  My oldest son was at nursery and the oldest at school so I got a few hours to myself every now and then.  

I remember one particular occasion when I was sitting in a favourite spot near the Docks watching the ferries come in and out.  I was so at peace with the world and so content.  I felt a sensation like a hand on my shoulder.  The best way I can describe it is a gentle and warm touch.  There was a wall behind me so I knew no one could be there but I still looked and of course no one was there.  

I had not yet experienced the Joy of Baptism in the Holy Spirit this was to come later but it is something I had discussed with people in my Church.  I felt a bit overwhelmed at the prospect and to be honest a bit frightened about what that would be like.  I now think that maybe this sensation was a gentle introduction to the greater and more wonderful experiences to come.